Mania Madness II – The Finals

Last year, we here at The 3 Point Conversion brought you Mania Madness. The first tournament, designed for individual performers, ended the only way we saw as fitting: The Elimination Chamber.

But this is Mania Madness II, tasked with determining the ultimate tag team of all time. So the rules are a little different this time around.

First, our contenders. From the Mae Young Region, one of the most dominant teams in history ran the gauntlet: Edge and Christian. They’ll have to deal with some familiar faces, as the Hardy Boyz emerged victorious from the Von Erich Region. But there’s newer blood here as well, such as the New Day, winners of the Heenan-Monsoon Region. And finally, the dangerous Usos represent the Paul Bearer Region. 

A few ground rules. Well, one, really. All other wrestlers are off the table. The gates are barred and there will be no interference.

Otherwise, there’s only one way this can be decided. The match born in the Tag Team Division.

Tables. Ladders. Chairs.

 

Mania Madness II Championship Round

TABLES LADDERS AND CHAIRS MATCH

The Hardy Boyz vs. Edge and Christian vs. The Usos vs. The New Day

 

A low murmur of anticipation swells through the crowd, growing as the Mania Madness Tag Team Championship belts are lifted above the ring. Ringside is cluttered with the weapons and tools that give the match its namesake.

Suddenly the arena goes dark. The crowd gets quiet.

“YOU THINK YOU KNOW ME.”

The crowd erupts as Edge and Christian emerge, chairs in hand. They look serious, none of their trademark mischievousness on their faces. The only hint of it is on the chairs they carry with them to the ring, Christian’s with a picture of Matt Hardy taped to it, Edge’s with a picture of Jeff.

They take up position on one side of the ring and wait, hoping to get their longtime rivals first.

No such luck as the Uso’s theme music hits. Disappointed, Edge and Christian leave the ring to give the Usos some space to make their entrance. Similar to their opponents, they’re all business, taking up one corner of the ring. Edge and Christian take up the opposite side.

The mood in the arena shifts as the New Day’s theme hits. Kofi Kingston and Big E (recovered from the ambush in the previous round) make their way to the ring, dancing as they go. They enter the ring and dance under the belts, ignoring the murderous looks from their opponents.

The crowd is enjoying the show when the New Day’s theme is suddenly cut, instantly replaced by the guitar twangs of The Hardy’s music. The arena goes crazy as Matt and Jeff sprint down the ramp at full speed. They slide into the ring and head straight for Edge and Christian. The suddenness of the onslaught catches them by surprise and they’re quickly disarmed of their weapons. Matt throws Edge through the ropes and follows. Jeff hits Christian with a running clothesline over the top rope, sending them both toppling to the ground below.

While they fight outside, The Usos and The New Day stare at each other, confused. Big E shrugs in the Usos direction and both teams decide to actually start the match, trading a series of blows in the middle of the ring. Jimmy throws Kofi towards the corner but Kofi leaps up onto the turnbuckle to spring backwards into a cross-body. Jimmy ducks it as Jey ducks a punch from Big E, causing the big man to take the hit from his partner.

Kofi goes to check on him but the Usos both drop in front of him, hitting him with a double uppercut. Jey then tosses Kofi through the ropes. Jimmy sets Big E up in the corner, then grabs Jey’s arm to slingshot him into a cannonball. As Jey is about to make contact, Big E stirs and catches him, then tosses him over the top rope straight into one of the ladders laying outside the ring. Jey lands with a sickening crash.

Big E turns his attention to Jimmy who is attempting to hit a superkick as Big E turns, but Big E catches his foot and pulls him in for a devastating power slam. Big E flexes for the crowd, unaware that Edge and Christian have dispatched the Hardys and have slid into the ring with chairs. They land a series of shots to the back, stunning the behemoth. Big E is stumbling, and Edge and Christian are lining up a con-chair-to. The crowd screams as Kofi hops onto the ring apron and springboards over the top rope, catching the Canadians each with one hand into a double flying bulldog, slamming their faces off of the chairs they still held in their hands.

Big E is gathering himself while Kofi goes outside the ring to get a ladder. He grabs a ten footer from near the ramp, while Jeff Hardy climbs back into the ring. Big E is on all fours near the ropes and Jeff launches off of his back, doing an improvised Poetry in Motion over the top rope. As Kofi turns with his ladder, he’s met by Jeff, slamming the steel into his face. Both men lay sprawled on the ramp.

The crowd has been screaming “we want tables!” for the last few minutes of action. They explode when Matt Hardy obliges, sliding into the ring with a table in hand. He picks it up to find somewhere to set it up, but Big E is back on his feet. With the table in his face, Matt doesn’t see him, and Big E bounces off the ropes into a diving shoulder block through the table, splintering it around Matt’s head, taking out both men.

A ladder slides into the ring as Edge and Christian, ever the opportunists, have recovered enough to try to take advantage of the current carnage. They set it up in the middle of the ring and start climbing each side of it. They’re both nearing the top when both Usos slide back into the ring, sensing their chances slipping away. The Usos start up the ladders, with Jimmy grabbing Edge and Jey grabbing Christian, and managing to pull them off the ladder. The Usos each now stand in the ring with a man on their shoulders. In adjacent corners, both Jeff Hardy and Kofi Kingston have mounted the top turnbuckles. Kofi hits Edge with a crossbody splash off of Jimmy’s shoulders, while Jeff hits a missile dropkick to Christian off of Jimmy’s, for a double-modified-doomsday device.

The teamwork was short lived, as the Usos don’t give Jeff or Kofi the chance to get up, immediately pouncing on them and hammering them on the mat. Big E starts to rise, using the ladder to help himself up. The Usos see it and double superkick the other side of the ladder, cracking if off Big E’s skull. The impact crumples the ladder, and the Usos toss it and a bloody Big E under the bottom rope and out of the ring.

Jimmy and Jey head out of the ring as well, but instead of grabbing a ladder, they each grab a table. Jimmy sets one up outside the ring, while Jey slides one into the ring and sets it up in the center. Jeff is back on his feet and starts throwing haymakers at Jey. Jeff bounces off the ropes but Jey is ready, popping Jeff up into the air. Jimmy has re-entered the ring and is in position to catch Jeff for the 1-D through the table.

The Usos are all business, trying to eliminate each opponent to the point they can get up the ladder undeterred. They shift their focus to Matt, hitting him with a double suplex onto the chairs still lying in the ring. Jimmy then drags Matt outside and lays him on the table he had set up outside the ring earlier. Jey climbs the turnbuckle, ready to deliver an Uso Splash through the table.

The crowd is going wild because they see what the Usos don’t: Kofi has regained his feet and has set up a chair in the ring. Taking a page out of Jeff’s book, Kofi uses the chair as a launching point, exploding off the chair into a flying dropkick straight to Jey’s backside. The impact sends Jey off the top turnbuckle like he was shot out of a cannon. He soars clear over the table with the prone Matt on it, violently colliding with Jimmy, leaving them both laid out on the floor.

Kofi gets to work in the ring, clearing the table debris and Jeff out of it. He goes outside the ring and grabs a 20 foot ladder and slides it under the bottom rope. Back in the ring, Kofi picks up the ladder, holding it horizontally. The crowd is yelling trying to warn him about Edge, loading up a spear in the corner. Kofi sees it at the last second, throwing the ladder right into Edge’s face with a horrifying crack.

Kofi has little time to celebrate the counter, as he’s suddenly pelted across the back by a vicious chair shot from Christian. Christian picks up Kofi up and positions him over the ladder lying in the center of the ring. He plants Kofi face-first into the steel with an Unprettier.

Christian takes a moment to check on Edge, who’s covered in blood on the ground. Matt is back in the ring and starts trading blows with Christian, neither man gaining a distinct advantage. While they battle, Big E somehow has made his way back to the ring. He picks up the 20 foot ladder, sticking his head through the middle of it. He lets out a primal scream, which attracts Matt and Christian’s attention. They turn as Big E charges them, catching both men across the face.

Big E starts setting up the ladder but gets distracted when Jey appears on the apron. Big E stands the ladder up closer to the corner and starts trading blows with Jey. Big E steps onto the apron and now they’re fighting on the narrow ledge. Jey goes for a haymaker but Big E manages to get under it, hoisting Jey onto his shoulder. He then jumps off the apron, dropping Jey through the table outside the ring with the Big Ending.

Big E has a surge of adrenaline and gets right up from the devastating move, but he’s immediately attacked by Jimmy with a chair. Big E ducks a huge swing of the steel and slides back into the ring and Jimmy follows. He takes another swing but the big man dodges and counters with a jaw rattling clothesline. He opens up the chair and sets it up near one corner. Kofi has regained his feet and has hopped onto the turnbuckle.

Big E scoops Jimmy up into a backbreaker, then holds him over his knee. Jimmy’s head is laying across the seat of the chair. Kofi leaps off the top rope for the Midnight Hour. He drives his feet into Jimmy’s face, cracking his skull off the chair.

The New Day are fully in control. Outside the ring, Jeff Hardy is back in action and slides another 20 foot ladder into the ring, setting it up in the opposite corner of the other. Kofi is taking a second to catch his breath, but Big E grabs a handful of Jeff’s hair and slingshots him towards a corner with no ladder in it. Jeff nimbly pops up the turnbuckles, twisting into a Whisper in the Wind that connects on Big E.

Kofi has grabbed the mangled chair that he put Jimmy Uso through and comes towards Jeff with it, but Jeff ducks and hits a standing dropkick, bouncing the chair off Kofi’s face and sending him careening through the ropes. Jeff picks up the chair and delivers a countless barrage of shots to the prone Big E, pummeling him into unconsciousness.

Outside the ring, Matt has grabbed a ten foot ladder and slides it into the ring for Jeff. Jeff starts setting it up in the middle of the ring. Christian slides into the ring from the other side, where he abandoned a ladder and left it on top of a set up table. He knocks Jeff down with a clothesline and starts climbing the ladder. Matt slides into the ring and gets underneath Christian, pulling him off the ladder. Showing an immense display of strength he walks Christian to the ropes and powerbombs him over them, through the table and ladder outside the ring. Matt collapses, exhausted.

Now it’s just Jeff in the middle of the ring and he starts making a slow ascent, trying to summon the energy to finish it. As he’s climbing, Edge is back in the ring and starts climbing one of the 20 foot ladders in the corner. The crowd starts going wild, remembering what has come before.

Kofi is back in the ring and pulls the ladder out from under Jeff, just as he was close enough to grab the belts. Now Jeff is dangling 20 feet above the ring, and Edge is still climbing his ladder.

The crowd is screaming “Spear! Spear! Spear!” All eyes are on Edge and Jeff. Beneath the cheers are some muted gasps, as some of the fans have noticed Kofi starting to climb the 20 foot ladder in the opposite corner.

Kofi has his back to the action as he climbs, checking over his shoulder to see where the other two are. Jeff is helpless as Edge lines him up. But Jeff has seen this movie before.

As Edge leaps for the spear, Jeff finds a reserve of strength and pulls his legs up and Edge’s spear catches nothing but air.

A fraction of a second after Edge jumps, Kofi leaps off his ladder backwards, twisting mid air towards the plummeting Edge.

The fall would have knocked Edge out on its own. But Kofi connects with Trouble In Paradise 10 feet in the air, knocking Edge unconscious well before he hits the ground.

Somehow, Jeff is still holding on but he’s got nowhere to go. Kofi is struggling to his feet. The crowd has lost all sense of reason, screaming rabidly.

Kofi grabs the 10 foot ladder, setting it up just out of the reach of Jeff’s feet. He’s just going to wait until Jeff falls to grab the belts.

Suddenly, Matt is back on his feet. A quick kick to Kofi’s midsection is suddenly followed by the Twist of Fate. Matt moves the ladder and Jeff gets his feet under it. He finally secures the belts.

The Hardy’s music hits and pandemonium erupts in the building. Matt climbs up the other side of the ladder to embrace his brother. The Hardy’s sit the only place they belong: atop a ladder, belts in hand.

 

WINNERS AND MANIA MADNESS II CHAMPIONS:

THE HARDY BOYZ